Conditions and Conspiracy
by ElGranizo
Summary: What will happen when a well-to-do 37 year old politician is placed in the Mystery Dungeon scenario, and forced to make bonds, build friendships, and still learn about his purpose in a dynamic world. This is the story of newly named Agent Colors.


**Konichiwa! This is my first fanfiction mina. As you probably read in the description, this is gonna be a facisating (sorry, can't spell) story! It's about a 37 year old man who was probably a palitisian (sorry), put into the famous mystery dungeon sciencaro (still can't spell)! Lot's of stuff happens, and he learns the truth about his former life, as well as some good lessons by the people around him.**

**Two things: No, just because there is an extremely homosexual caractar(suimasen), that doesn't mean that yaoi or anything close to it will be present. I am serious. Also, the slitly(gomennasai) serious theme you will read at the end of the chapter is proof that I, ElGranizo, do not hate homosexuals. Treasure Town, however, does. Alot. I wonder if Colors was a liberal in his former life?**

**Disclamiears (lo siento) are gayer than Skitty. **

**So we will begin soon. I am rather proud of this one. All my fryenids (sorry, don't use that word often) said it was good, and I got sumone to check the spealling (in story) for me. So:  
**

**Withot furher(warui) ado, I shall present you with chapter one of my story, Conditions and Conspiracy.  
**

* * *

He was floating. Above the clouds, earth, and space itself: he was now in a more ethereal world, surrounded by auroras. He looked at his hands. They were bony, the hands of a politician who spent long nights writing lies. There was a flash of light.

He didn't remember anything. He realized that when he was asked, "What are you?" by a floating yellow wave. He knew little, actually. But he could not feel worried about the obvious crisis. Only elated, in a lighter sense of being, like a child about to take a personality test. He looked to the shining light.

"I am…" He paused. What are you? Not, who are you? He looked down, unsure of himself. What was he? A human? That was definitely his species, and it's only logical that he stayed one. Something came to mind.

"I am on a mission. I am… an agent." An awesome word to use, he thought, like a child congratulating himself on a cool gimmick.

"You are not," said the colors. And he wasn't. He faded from consciousness.

* * *

He could remember that. But as he walked the beach there was nothing else in his mind. He realized then that the voice was right. He wasn't. Actually, right now, he wasn't a lot of things. He wasn't sure, he wasn't home, he wasn't correct, he wasn't on track, and as he had discovered five minutes ago, he wasn't human.

He looked at his new yellow, furry appendages, connected to his stubby and mouse-like body. The water showed him his puffy head, complete with long cute ears, and red cheeks. He even had an awesome tail! It was like a lightning bolt! He abruptly yelled and wiped the stupid grin off his face. He wasn't some dreamy kid!

He was, however, confused, about a great amount of things. Why was he a character from a popular children's RPG? Why was the sun setting in the north? And why did he, a former thirty-seven year old human adult of significant refinement and dignity, feel the need to explore dungeons and caves? He used to have a real, important job! He sighed. He could not remember his name. He was in a strange place. What could he do?

Then a pink cat with an extremely irrational face and tail ran down the hill up the beach. It was crying large tears that seemed to come from its ears. 'What a fag,' though the newly transfigured yellow mouse. It looked at him, and it cried some moar.

"You must think I'm a fag too," said the clearly homosexual animal. "They all think the male Skitties are gay." Skitty? It reminded the former human of delicious candy.

"But you clearly are!" he exclaimed, strangely exited by the prospect of putting down a lesser being. He wondered if he had been a Republican in his former life. A look on the gay Skitty's face said, 'It's true!' The mouse chuckled. This, for some reason, seemed very friendly to the eccentric Skitty, who began to notice the other's masculine features. He drooled.

"I seemed to forget the gravity of the situation," the mouse. "Where am I?"

The male preferring Skitty replied, "You are in Treasure Town, famous for the treasure of friendship! Not for gays like me though… I know Pikachu, we can be friends! What's your name?" 'Apparently I am a Pikachu,' thought the mouse.

" Well, I don't know… Well, the first thing I remember is colors, and I'm on a mission, so call me Agent Colors!" He patted himself on the back for coming up with such a cool name. 'Wait,' he thought, 'that name is retarded! What am I, ten years old?'

"Yay!" shouted the boy-lover, clapping his front limbs together in an awkward and embarrassing way. "Well, I'm Dick! Nice to meet'cha!" 'Dick?' thought Colors. 'This guy really got screwed in life, didn't he?'

"Okay, Pe- I mean, Dick, show me around Friendship Town."

"Oh silly, It's treasure town!" And they skipped up the hill. Well, Co- I mean, Dick did, anyway.

* * *

Agent Colors learned a lot about Treasure Town from his new and homosexual friend. First, that all of the buildings were shaped like the Pokemon, a term the faggot told him, who ran them, as if the place were designed to please little kids. Second, he learned that there was a giant, unstable structure Explorer's guild built into the cliff, for the sole purpose of being able to have windows underground. And finally, he learned that the grinning sodomist lived in a giant, earthen, unstable shark head two hundred feet over jagged rocks and water. It was a Sharpedo.

"I know Colors," the gay started at the entrance to the deadly home, "we can have a sleep over!" excitedly yelled the gay.

"I'm not sure I'm comfortable with that," Colors said.

"What?" the fag questioned, a slight pang of angst in his voice. Then his face brightened. "Oh, don't worry, the shark won't eat you! It's not real!"

"There's a variety of things I'm not comfortable about…" Agent said. The male-seeking cat sobbed. And this awakened a feeling of great sympathy within Colors for his new kind, yet gay, friend. He felt like he needed to be nice and kind!

"Oh you!" Colors shouted in a loud, yet friendly, tone, "Let's break out those pillows!" A feeling of great happiness and innocent joy crept across the gay cat's face, a feeling he had felt for the first time since he accidentally complemented his little brother's piece. It was the ecstasy of someone with a true friend! He screamed in high pitched joy that the whole town heard (and made nervous comments about) and grabbed Colors hand (somehow), jumping down the hole.

'I sure hope nothing hazardous happens,' thought Colors. The odds were against him.

* * *

The next morning, after an extremely childish pillow fight, a fiber-full supper, and a lot of talking about female genitalia on Colors' part (to remind the smiling fag of his straightness), Agent woke up from a surprisingly fulfilling rest on a bed of hay. He saw the Homo nearby, and not wanting more awkward tension, left a note.

'Hey Wang- I mean, Dick, left to be… somewhere else, see you… later, I guess?' it said. Colors walked into the town, where various Pokemon stared at him. He sighed, knowing the probable reason.

" Why, 'ello mate," said the Pokemon that the currently asleep faggot had told him was Kecleon, "Moight 'ya be interested in soime protect-shun!" He had a surprisingly British voice.

"No sir," Colors replied, "I won't be needing that."

"Awre 'ya sure, mate?" he said. "The AIDS-"

Colors interjected, "Not in me it doesn't!"

"Oh, I've gawt it," he said, "Shalo- I mean, Dick moist b' a voigin!" Colors sighed and moved on. He saw a weird skunk walk down from the hill that led to the guild, with its bushy tail pressed over its head to give people the impression that it was a greaser or something. He seemed to be either angry, disturbed, or just an asshole, because he glared at everything.

"Hey faggot," he said gruffly as he walked by Colors and down the hill. 'Whoa,' thought Colors, 'that was really upsetting. Y-y-you bully!' Then he heard a padding and light step coming from behind him, immediately recognizing it as Pen- I mean, Dick from the outright gayness of it.

"Oh that was Skuntank," said the homoerotic cat. "He calls me gay all the time," he continued in his goofy voice. "Although I'm not sure why he would say that to a nice guy like you…" Colors facepalmed. But he got over it, and began once again to think of important things.

"Hey, Co- I mean, Dick, where is he going?" asked Colors.

"Beach cave of course!" said the homophile skitty in his goofy lisp. "It's the closest dungeon to Treasure Town! Skuntank's a professional explorer!"

'A professional explorer?' thought Colors. 'But that guy had the mind of a ten-year old bully!' "A dungeon?" he asked to Johnso- I mean, Dick. "What's in there?"

"Well, lots of stuff," said the gay cat, putting a emphasis on stuff that made all the pokemon around grimace in repulsion. "Like-"

Colors cut him off and said, "Let's explore!" He slapped himself at the outright childishness he knew he was expressing again, but he couldn't shake the feeling that he was supposed to enter that cave. After all, he arrived into this world right at its entrance. He was suddenly interested to a great point, thinking that maybe, _just _maybe, he could find out why he was here.

"Uhh, well…" the fag trailed off. "Colors, that place is too dangerous for a frail Skitty like me. I mean, you're a Pikachu and all, but…"

"Well…" Colors started. "I'm actually a human, though I've been trapped in this body." There was a sharp yell from pecke- I mean, Dick, and an intake of breath among the pokemon in the square, all of whom were listening to them, as if they had nothing else to do. He could have sworn that Kecleon said, "So 'eh's a furry!" but he ignored it.

"A human!" the homo said, this time in a hushed tone. "I've never seen one and logically shouldn't know of their existence, but… I'm surprised!" The numerous hateful glares told Colors two things: one, that they all hated humans, who didn't really exist in this universe; and two, that he probably should have kept quiet about this.

The boy lover then said, "Colors, we got to get out of here quick!" the gay feline grabbed his hand (somehow, again) and led him down to the beach, away from furious angry serious pokemon that likely would have started the beat-down any moment.

Colors saw his homosexual friend panting, as they reached the beach, and quickly scattering behind a rock, where he cowered. And this display told Colors exactly what that gay Skitty was running away from yesterday, and why he lived so far from the town. He walked steadily to that place where his different friend lied. He was in the worst shape Colors had ever seen him.

"Hey, p- Dick…" he said in a soft voice. His friend looked up. "Does that happen… often?" The homo nodded. "Like… every day?" Another nod. Colors thought, 'Why is everyone in the town such a homophobe?" And at that point, Colors realized exactly how much he meant to his hated friend, who was up against the world.

"Look, I know no one believes in you, and you need to go through a lot, but… I believe in you!" The gay cat looked up. "It doesn't matter what others think, or what limits are placed! You told me yesterday that everyone respects the great explorers of the Wigglytuff Guild, so let's become great explorers!" Skitty sobbed, but smiled and stood up. "And we can start right there! In Beach Cave!" Colors yelled, finishing his monologue, and pointing at the cave to the other side of the beach.

Co- I mean Dick bit his lower lip, holding back a whole different tear that had never felt before. And then with great joy he yelled, "Yeah! Let's do it!" They grinned madly at eachother and with great expression leaped down the beach.

* * *

**Don't question it. Just accept Dick's gayness. Underneath that, he can be a pretty cool guy? Sorta... **

**Well, anywaay, Colors is adapting! And with his setting and body, his personality changes! These changes... they mite (I think that's rite?) be importent in the fuchur (I'm sorry, I don't understand that one)**

**Hold on, gotta check freedict...**

**Wakare!  
**


End file.
